T minus 1 (Sorta)

I realized I'd forgotten to post when I went to bed. I thought I'd be too tired. Three hours later, and I'm still up...Okay. Guess I'm not too tired!

Tuesday at work was strange. I've been picking and choosing who to tell beforehand that I'd be going on leave. So, when I had to hand off part of a project to a coworker he was a bit stunned when he found out. I think my main reason for not being so forward about it is I am horrible with tears. I used to make fun of my mom telling her she'd cry at Little House on the Prairie. Now I'm just about as bad. I mean, my tear ducts start salivating at the mention of 'wedding' or 'sad'.

After being stunned by the GP's phone call that I may have cancer, I was in tears for two or three days. Every time I opened my mouth to tell someone the waterworks would start up. But these past three days have been much better. I've been praying, thinking affirmatively, and realizing that many, many other people go through the same thing and don't break down all the time.

Before finding out I had to have surgery, I signed up to bring dinner to a co-worker and her family who'd recently lost their only child. I realized that my little life experience doesn't have anything to do with theirs. And, in fact, theirs is far more devastating than 'a possibility'. So, I made them dinner, and Tuesday after work I took that dinner to their house. They weren't there, but that had been arranged and I took the meal to someone who would make sure they received it. It made me feel better. Doing something for someone else.

So, Tuesday night comes. DH (Dear Husband) and older son start frantically cleaning the house - the in-laws (my parents) will be here in two days and the house is not at all ready for them. Funny! I don't know why. It just is.

Right now it is 1:22 AM. In 8 and one-half hours I will be at the hospital getting admitted and prepped for surgery. In 10 and one-half hours I will go under the knife. I pray the surgeon and his team are sure, swift and get all of the mass out. I pray the mass is benign. And I pray for a swift and hassle-free recovery. Oh, and really good pain meds. Or very little pain. Whichever works.

TTFN and I'll write as soon as I am able! (I hope they have wifi in hospital!)