A Discouraging Day

You know the saying "If you don't really want to know how a person is doing, don't ask?" Well, if you don't really want to know how today was, stop reading now.

I don't usually blog two days in a row, but today was just crappy enough, I need to vent. If you read my previous entry, you know my leg has been giving me grief. I've been trying to put a positive spin on it, but it's just not working. So, today my radiologist fit me in to check out my leg. And you know what he said? "It's actually looking good!" Are you kidding!? It's a brownish-red. Black dots pepper it representing all the hair follicles. It's spotty and weepy and crackly. I can't wear anything but dresses and shorts because it's covered in Silvadene cream. And it hurts to walk. It feels like the bones are turning to mush.

OK, enough complaining. Here's what Dr. Danny explained. Joints take longer to heal. You keep the appendage in the same position for a while and healing commences. Then you flex the appendage and what's healed breaks down again, thus more time to heal. So, more Silvadene - Dr. Danny swears it will work. Give it time. And more pain meds. If it's not feeling better within the week, it's back to the radiologist.

Upon reflection, I guess I was expecting to 'get up and go' once radiation was over. I should have paid attention to my own post! "Give it time." I was so excited to be done I started getting up and getting out. Obviously, too much too soon. So, it's back to resting the leg, flexing and sliding squats. No more traipsing around Target. It was just such a blow. I see the oncologist Thursday, and I was hoping I would get the green light to go back to work full-time. Now I'm really not sure. I'm frustrated and discouraged.

Then to top it all off, we had to euthanize one of our cats. Really, my daughter's cat, Miss Jennifer. She's been living at my mother-in-law's since I was pregnant with Gabe; about 7 years. And she was good company for my MIL. Her health, however, took such a downward turn the last several months. DD was working, so DH and I took Miss Jennifer to the vet.

I love my pets. Miss Jennifer, though she'd been living with Tillie for 7 years, was still ours in a sense. And it was just so sad to see. I was just so sad to have to do this. But it was for the best. She was in such pain. So, we picked her up and I loved on her all the way to the vet. DH wouldn't let me in with her for the euthanasia - I was "too upset." I just wanted Miss Jennifer to know she was loved and to be comforted as she took this final road. I was comforted that she acknowledged my loving and expressed her desire for more. So, I know she went peacefully. And yes, I do believe cats, too, go to Heaven, and I know she is in a much better place.

So, all told, it was a difficult, discouraging day. Tomorrow will come quicker than I am ready, but I am hoping it will be better. And I'm praying that I will be able to return to work soon. I miss being around people! I really need the interaction! And then maybe I won't be so excited about the little things like going for a ride to the gas station so DH can fill up the truck!