Ah, Halloween. The eve when kiddies young and not so young dress up and go traipsing around neighborhoods getting pranked, or giving pranks, and nabbing oodles upon oodles of candy, candy, candy. Then upon return, parents and older siblings field said goodies saving much of the best for themselves. As it was years gone by, so it was again this year. And the pillow case was stretched to its limit. It being a school night, only a few choice tidbits were scarfed down before Tow Mater (what Gabe went as this year) was toted off to bed.
The pickings were quite good this year - depending on your taste. There were Airheads, Pixi Sticks, Skittles, Reeses, Butterfingers, Tootsie Rolls (my personal fave) and the obligatory hard candy (which usually goes into the trash after about 4 months). DH took Gabe Trick or Treating while Chris and I stayed home making the pillowcases of many children very happy.
A friend of mine and her daughter dropped by earlier in the evening and we had such fun. Basically it was laugh at Julie night because she really needs to get out of the house more! Well, 3 months of recuperation will do that to a person! I'm way past cabin fever! Sort of in the nuthouse zone. I've got 5 or 6 craft projects going, 7 books I'm reading, and I'm trying new recipes on my victi-, er, family. That's not to say I've got oodles of time on my hands. I am still sleeping roughly 12 hours a day. My irradiated leg is one hot mess. It looks and feels nasty and is causing me some serious pain. DH says that's all down to it healing. If this is healing, then what were the previous 3 months! And I'm working 4 hour work days through all of this. I fatigue easily. I can be up for 3-4 hours and then sleep very soundly for 3 hours, up for 3, down for 3, then sleep about 9 hours at night! Say, I may actually be sleeping 14 hours a day! All I can say is there ain't much time for me to do anything cause I'm always sleeping. But I try.
Thursday is my next appointment. Up to now I've been thinking I'll be back to work full-time any day. But now I'm not so sure. I've posted a pic of my leg (taken yesterday - not for the queasy) at the bottom of the post. Not only is it butt ugly, it hurst more now than it did 2 months ago! I dare not wear pants because I don't want anything touching the sore spots, but really, it's the bone that hurts. Haley saw it for the first time since my surgery today, and I explained it like this: You know when you cook a microwave dinner? The directions say to heat for 3 minutes than leave it in for 2 minutes. The 3 minutes are to start the cooking process, and it continues to cook in the other 2 minutes. Well, my leg was cooked for 6 weeks in the microwave. And it's still cooking. You know? I kinda like that analogy. I didn't really understand the part on the microwave directions of leaving it in the oven for 2 more minutes until now. Makes sense all of a sudden.
So, we'll see what the doctor says. But one thing is certain. I have to get out of the house more!!!!
A few comments about the knee. Flexing it is much harder now because not only is the scar tissue multiplying like rabbits, but every time I flex more skin cracks, flakes, etc. And even just side-swiping the knee by accident can cause skin to peel off like a sunburn. So, there are some scabby parts. There are where skin has peeled or cracked off. I am putting Silvadine (a cream from the radiologist) on those parts and along the scar as the scar is really dry and cracking and peeling. See how the skin is so dark? It wasn't near that bad when I first stopped radiation. I can onlhy guess it's that cooking from the inside out effect. The inside of the leg was sunburned, and the outside is now cooking. Not a pretty site. I am much more self-conscious going out in public now because I can't cover it. Too difficult. I've tried several different ways but the bandages keep falling off, and I have to keep the wrappings loose. So, it's cream and air for now. Yuck.
This is from 10/30
Julia, I've been fortunate not to have cancer; but I have had - er, "gotten" - to experience chronic illness... where you really believe tomorrow will be better and next week will be normal. Last time I was really well I made myself be realistic and add the time up. 17 of the last 27 years I have been of - "ahem" - reduced capacity. Symptoms often included insomnia coupled with extreme fatigue. What a stupid combination... I mean really, it's like a really bad marriage, ONE of them needed to go! All this to say... you're not alone (illness can feel VERY lonely). Just keep thinking you're not really that sick (but keep going to the doctors and following orders), and pretty soon, you'll be right!
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