Miss Pity Party

I am almost halfway through radiation, and the visible effects are starting to show. The area around my knee is pinking up, so I expect that in the next week to ten days I'll be getting that 'sunburn' effect.  Every Friday I get a row of stickers, and every other day throughout the week I am refreshing the marks. It has become a habit. I check in, one of the techs comes through the door, I get in my robe, get on the table, they twist and turn me, and then it's 'here we go, Julia!' Got my weekly x-rays today, and I'll see Dr. Danny Friday.

I had a scare Monday. I was laying on the table after radiation, and when I went to sit up, the world suddenly slewed to the right. Vertigo. I had a bout of vertigo three years ago. It was very scary. I was in Dallas with my son, and I thought I was having a heart attack. Thankfully, a serendipitous series of events meant we were at my parents' house, and I was rushed to the hospital. It was a benign event in that there was a disturbance in my inner ear that caused the vertigo. Well, it happened again. But this time I knew what was going on. So, I went to the doctor today, and after a few tests, she agreed it was the same benign event. So, I am back on Meclizine. I now have even more reason to not drive. I can't! And I have to move slowly. And as if radiation didn't already tire me out, the Meclizine conks a person out even more.

It sucks though, and I feel like I'm having a pity party. In addition to my allergy, blood pressure and asthma meds, I'm on pain meds and now Meclizine. I feel like a pharmacy! Oh, and I'm lucky I'm awake eight hours out of the day now! Like today. Here is the last 24 hours:

• Asleep at 9:00 PM
• Wake up at 1:00 AM. Awake for 30 minutes.
• Back to sleep at 1:30. Up at 7:00 AM.
• Get Gabe up, fed and on the bus
• Work for 1.5 hours
• Back to sleep at 9:00 AM.
• Up at 11:00 AM.
• Go to doctor
• Pick up Rx's
• Work for 2 more hours
• Go to radiation
• Asleep at 6:00 PM
• Awake at 8:00 PM
• Get Chris to drive so I can get milk
• Put Gabe to bed
• Asleep at 9:00 PM
• Awake at 11:00 PM
• Why? I don't know! My mind is full of all I need to do, all I didn't do, and all I want to do.

Ugh! What I really want is to be able to work full-time, drive myself, and STAY AWAKE for a full 10 hours! Oh, and I am still waiting for the orders for the MRI on my ankle.

And one more thing. I am really starting to feel like a burden. This week Rufus has only been able to work two full days. I had an additional appointment today, I have one tomorrow with Dr. Berrey, and I have another one Friday with Dr. Danny. They poor guy is on the road all the time now. And Gabe - he is asking more and more when I am going to get better. As for Chris, he is sick again - another cold - and he just wants to relax. But he's got to care for Gabe when Rufus and I are at my appointments. And Cassie? She's MIA. She may say she lives at our house, but she spends maybe 4-6 hours a day here; all of which are between 1AM and 7AM. So, she is no help at all. All of these combined lend themselves to my overall feeling of 'Miss Pity Party.' I want it to go away!

So, here are the pictures of my legs tonight. Is is just my imagination? Or is the right leg (the one with all the markings) actually a little pinker?