Today is Friday. An interesting Friday. Quiet in the general sense. No school today; Teacher Planning Day. So, the boys are home, and I'm working from home. And my work day has been very busy! Been putting out fires and helping my project teammates meet a deadline that almost didn't happen. One of the (several) negative effects of a serious illness is that folks don't want to "bother you." Well, my teammates on the project I am currently working kept me out of the loop for one portion that was supposed to be straightforward and easy. I only found out two days ago that all was very much NOT well. And that was NOT going to happen on my watch! So, in three days, we got it whipped into shape and just squeaked under the wire to meet the deadline. Whew!
It was nice being able to jump in and get the seeming undoable done. I haven't done that in almost three months. Three months! That's how long it's been since I've set foot in the workplace. My appointment next week, November 3rd, will actually be the three month anniversary of my surgery. And I am hoping I will get the green light to go back to work. Granted, I am not 100%, but I would like to be able to work in the workplace at least part of the time.
As for not being 100%. Oy vey! The knee! I think it was doing better during radiation as opposed to after radiation! It's getting crusty, crinkly; in addition to the one place with peeling skin, there is now a part along the scar that is breaking open and bleeding. The entire scar line is angry red and swollen, and there is a ridge of dried white skin - burnt - along the top. I keep flexing the knee and I hear pops from the scar tissue breaking down. If I don't flex for an hour, the leg is so stiff! I use the Silvadene cream for the yucky parts on my leg, but it's the keeping it covered without tape or bandaids that is the hard part. I can't use any because the skin is so fragile I run the risk of pulling even more burned skin off. I tried wrapping it with an ace bandage - 'loosely' per the Radiology office. But that actually seems to cause more pain. Yes, pain. My knee cap is swollen and tender, even to the touch. And there are bit of it that itch! I'm thinking that is part of the healing process, though I don't really know.
I think my leg hurts more now than it did two weeks after surgery! And, get this, I have freckles on my knee. Freckles!!! Oy! So, it is obvious I have research to do to find out the long-term effects of radiation on appendages; especially weight-bearing appendages. It's kind of ironic. I'm fair-skinned. I've just gone through six weeks of radiation, basically six weeks of getting a really good leg burn. So, now I have a question - am I now at risk for skin cancer in the area that received radiation? Good question, doncha think?
On the homefront, it is relatively quiet. I am anxiously awaiting the opening of two highly anticipated movies. One is The Twilight Saga: New Moon Part 1. Yeah, yeah, I know. Soppy to many folks, but to me it's a wonderful fairy tale. The other movie is The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. I am SO excited! I can totally not wait for that movie! I've read the books like four times. Saw the Swedish movie versions; have the Swedish movie versions. Been keeping up with all things remotely related to the movie. At first I thought the U.S. version would be so Americanized it wouldn't be worth the money. But from what I've seen and read, it looks F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C!! And apparently, the U.S. version more closely adheres to the books than did the Swedish version. But don't knock the Swedish version The actors were spot on. Noomi Rapace was excellent! And the actor who played Neils Buhrmann. I won'der if he's been typecast he was so repulsive in the movies.
So, for those of you who aren't familiar with the Dragon Tattoo saga, most commonly known as the Millennium Trilogy, the author of these world-famous books is Stieg Larsson. In a cruel twist of fate, he completed the first three books in a planned series of 10; his fourth was conceptually complete, and he unexpectedly died of a heart attack. Six weeks later the first book, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (in Swedish it is titled Men Who Hate Women) hit the bookstands and became an instant hit around the world. The next two books, The Girl Who Played With Fire and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest, were subsequently published to much acclaim. The fourth? We don't know if it will ever get published. Mr. Larsson died without a will and his properties reverted to his father and brother though he'd been living with his partner for over 20 years. She has possession of the manuscript for the fourth book but won't release it unless the father and brother release all claim on it. So, fact seems to be imitating fiction.
Anyhoo, it's Friday. A good Friday. A happy Friday. Go out and enjoy it! I am!
Friday, October 28, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
No More Radiation!
Can I get a Woot! Woot! Yesterday was the last day of of radiation! I am done! Fini!
Well, sort of.
Now comes maintenance, or rather watchfulness.
The area around my knee is red, something between a 2nd and 3rd degree burn. I say that because some of the skin has peeled off. Underneath is some not so pretty stuff - pus, ooze; you know. Yucky stuff. Since it has been exposed to radiation day after day, there's been no chance for it to heal. The surgery scar is pretty much the same. It's dry, scaly, red, swollen, etc. And for some reason, probably related to the bone being irradiated, the kneecap is very tender. But now that I'm done, gotta give all this time to heal. Dr. Danny provided a burn cream called Silvadene that I can use. But nooo bandaids! The sticky stuff will only cause further damage to the skin. So, I gotta cover it with gauze, and I have a 'burn sleeve' to hold the gauze in place. And then I can wrap my leg, loosely, with an ace bandage. But all along, gotta flex, flex, flex that leg.
You can feel and hear that scar tissue popping every time I bend my knee. Dr. Danny explained that the scar tissue will continue to develop over the next few months and that it is imperative the the knee be exercised so the scar tissue won't have opportunity to develop. So I walk, allbeit slowly. And I keep my leg bent when I recline or sit. Stand up, stretch, flex, do it all again. And I sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep. 12-14 hours a day. And apparently, that's not unusual. It's one of the quiet side effect.
In the meantime, I will be seeing Dr.Berrey next Thursday. On Dr. Danny's recommendation, it will probably be 6 to 8 weeks before I can start the quarterly MRI's, CT scans, X-rays, bloodwork, etc. that are necessary in the first few years to be sure the cancer doesn't reappear, metastsize, relocate, etc. Dr. Danny said it would take that long for the damage of the radiation to heal - swelling and other stuff that can mask any relevant test results. My appointment with Dr. Berrey will be to check the knee, and determine when I can return back to work full-time. I will be glad to get back to working full-time as long as I can drive. I can't handle that right now though, but I've got a week for the knee to heal. So, we'll see.
As treatment comes to an end and maintenance begins, the focus of this blog will likely change. My close encounter with cancer has reminded me, rather forcefully, of the things I enjoy and the things I want to experience. I've viewed other blogs, and several are centered around a specific topic - as has mine, up to this point. While I know I will continue to write about my experiences with cancer, and (knock on wood) the non-recurrence of cancer, I will also address other topics. I am not yet sure what those topics will be, but I know there are some I want to explore; character exploration, current events, daily life, events, and more.
For a while though, the primary focus of this blog will continue to be my experiences with cancer. So, stay tuned! More to come in my interesting life!
Well, sort of.
Now comes maintenance, or rather watchfulness.
The area around my knee is red, something between a 2nd and 3rd degree burn. I say that because some of the skin has peeled off. Underneath is some not so pretty stuff - pus, ooze; you know. Yucky stuff. Since it has been exposed to radiation day after day, there's been no chance for it to heal. The surgery scar is pretty much the same. It's dry, scaly, red, swollen, etc. And for some reason, probably related to the bone being irradiated, the kneecap is very tender. But now that I'm done, gotta give all this time to heal. Dr. Danny provided a burn cream called Silvadene that I can use. But nooo bandaids! The sticky stuff will only cause further damage to the skin. So, I gotta cover it with gauze, and I have a 'burn sleeve' to hold the gauze in place. And then I can wrap my leg, loosely, with an ace bandage. But all along, gotta flex, flex, flex that leg.
You can feel and hear that scar tissue popping every time I bend my knee. Dr. Danny explained that the scar tissue will continue to develop over the next few months and that it is imperative the the knee be exercised so the scar tissue won't have opportunity to develop. So I walk, allbeit slowly. And I keep my leg bent when I recline or sit. Stand up, stretch, flex, do it all again. And I sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep. 12-14 hours a day. And apparently, that's not unusual. It's one of the quiet side effect.
In the meantime, I will be seeing Dr.Berrey next Thursday. On Dr. Danny's recommendation, it will probably be 6 to 8 weeks before I can start the quarterly MRI's, CT scans, X-rays, bloodwork, etc. that are necessary in the first few years to be sure the cancer doesn't reappear, metastsize, relocate, etc. Dr. Danny said it would take that long for the damage of the radiation to heal - swelling and other stuff that can mask any relevant test results. My appointment with Dr. Berrey will be to check the knee, and determine when I can return back to work full-time. I will be glad to get back to working full-time as long as I can drive. I can't handle that right now though, but I've got a week for the knee to heal. So, we'll see.
As treatment comes to an end and maintenance begins, the focus of this blog will likely change. My close encounter with cancer has reminded me, rather forcefully, of the things I enjoy and the things I want to experience. I've viewed other blogs, and several are centered around a specific topic - as has mine, up to this point. While I know I will continue to write about my experiences with cancer, and (knock on wood) the non-recurrence of cancer, I will also address other topics. I am not yet sure what those topics will be, but I know there are some I want to explore; character exploration, current events, daily life, events, and more.
For a while though, the primary focus of this blog will continue to be my experiences with cancer. So, stay tuned! More to come in my interesting life!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
The Waiting Room
Wow! It's been a very different two weeks. I started last week off with a commitment to change my outlook. And, though it's been bumpy, I believe I am on my way. The Monday walk led to very sore legs Tuesday. Along with banging the bad leg on the corner of a table, I have a fairly stiff knee. Crispy knee.
It's been a productive two weeks work-wise. I feel like I am finally out of the medicated fog and am actually making progress. The kicker is that I received news that my mother was hospitalized last weekend. It took 36 hours, but we now know she has been hit with Shingles. I am sure the stress of worrying about my health contributed to the outbreak. So, now she is on antivirals and pain killers. I just hope it clears up soon. Shingles are NOT pleasant. I am just sorry I can't be there to help her and dad and little sis Dee.
My last two appointments with Dr. Danny went well. We are past the hump! Now come the real side effects. The sunburn is becoming more significant and the skin is starting to peel. And there is pain in the area on which the radiation is focusing. Dr. Danny says that is to be expected, and find that I am experiencing more pain as the radiation continues. I'm slowing down now. It is harder to walk. I find I need assistance getting up, moving around, etc. I flex the knee almost constantly. I can feel the scar tissue, and I know that is what is slowing me down. So, I keep breaking it up by flexing - a lot. I feel the resistence every time I bend my knee, so I keep it bent as much as possible.
In all, I think the side effects I've been experiencing are relatively mild compared to other patients. Every day I go to the Radiation office and I see so many different people in various stages of treatment. Last week it felt like children's week. So many children! Many were bald, some were bloated; all of them though were smiling. I did not see one unhappy child at all. They were surrounded by family and care givers, laughing, telling stories, doing craft activities. I find myself watching the children. They are so young, and this is all they know of their lives. I want to ask them what keeps them so positive. I think that as adults we've lived a while, and to experience cancer at our age, I think we have a more difficult time coping. Every day when I go for radiation, I feel lifted when I see a child in the waiting room. I know that this is not the place I want to see a child, but their positiveness really seems to infuse the other patients with the same cheerfulness.
The waiting room at the office is spacious and filled with windows. As you enter the information desk is front and center. To your right are two computers where radiation patients check in. To your left are the sliding glass doors through which the patients go to receive treatment. Each patient has a lanyard with a UPC code. We scan the UPC code in and then sit and wait for a radiologist.
The remainder of the waiting room is part waiting room, part resting room. In one corner is a coffee and water station. As you walk towards the station you pass rows of comfy chairs and coffee tables. Next to the drink station is a glassed-in room with children's books, a chalkboard, and other fun toys for young children. A jigsaw table sits outside the room. Shelves near it are filled with boxes of gently used jigsaw puzzles. A puzzle in progress always covers the table. Comfy couches and chairs are placed in a circle in a large atrium. Two to three times a week a group of care givers provide crafts for patients and family members alike. These are done on the floor in the atrium. Naturally, sheets are placed on the floor. It is refreshing to see the children participating. And when you look around, their artwork hangs on the windows and walls.
The hospital, which is a learning hospital for the University of Florida (go Gators!), organizes several activities for cancer patients. Every day there is something different. Cancer survivors will not be surprised to find that several of the activities are centered around food. Tours of the finer restaurants, along with significantly reduced dining prices, are de rigeur. These occur two to three times a week. Naturally, there are several support groups for both patients and family members. There is also a breakfast club.
So, overall, treatment, though necessary, somewhat cumbersome and possibly painful, is also (dare I say) fun. I find myself looking forward to radiation because there is always something going on in the waiting room, and the people - employees, patients, family members, friends - are happy to see you. And while I will be happy to be done with radiation next week, I will miss the time spent riding to and fro with DH and the time spent in the waiting room.
It's been a productive two weeks work-wise. I feel like I am finally out of the medicated fog and am actually making progress. The kicker is that I received news that my mother was hospitalized last weekend. It took 36 hours, but we now know she has been hit with Shingles. I am sure the stress of worrying about my health contributed to the outbreak. So, now she is on antivirals and pain killers. I just hope it clears up soon. Shingles are NOT pleasant. I am just sorry I can't be there to help her and dad and little sis Dee.
My last two appointments with Dr. Danny went well. We are past the hump! Now come the real side effects. The sunburn is becoming more significant and the skin is starting to peel. And there is pain in the area on which the radiation is focusing. Dr. Danny says that is to be expected, and find that I am experiencing more pain as the radiation continues. I'm slowing down now. It is harder to walk. I find I need assistance getting up, moving around, etc. I flex the knee almost constantly. I can feel the scar tissue, and I know that is what is slowing me down. So, I keep breaking it up by flexing - a lot. I feel the resistence every time I bend my knee, so I keep it bent as much as possible.
In all, I think the side effects I've been experiencing are relatively mild compared to other patients. Every day I go to the Radiation office and I see so many different people in various stages of treatment. Last week it felt like children's week. So many children! Many were bald, some were bloated; all of them though were smiling. I did not see one unhappy child at all. They were surrounded by family and care givers, laughing, telling stories, doing craft activities. I find myself watching the children. They are so young, and this is all they know of their lives. I want to ask them what keeps them so positive. I think that as adults we've lived a while, and to experience cancer at our age, I think we have a more difficult time coping. Every day when I go for radiation, I feel lifted when I see a child in the waiting room. I know that this is not the place I want to see a child, but their positiveness really seems to infuse the other patients with the same cheerfulness.
The waiting room at the office is spacious and filled with windows. As you enter the information desk is front and center. To your right are two computers where radiation patients check in. To your left are the sliding glass doors through which the patients go to receive treatment. Each patient has a lanyard with a UPC code. We scan the UPC code in and then sit and wait for a radiologist.
The remainder of the waiting room is part waiting room, part resting room. In one corner is a coffee and water station. As you walk towards the station you pass rows of comfy chairs and coffee tables. Next to the drink station is a glassed-in room with children's books, a chalkboard, and other fun toys for young children. A jigsaw table sits outside the room. Shelves near it are filled with boxes of gently used jigsaw puzzles. A puzzle in progress always covers the table. Comfy couches and chairs are placed in a circle in a large atrium. Two to three times a week a group of care givers provide crafts for patients and family members alike. These are done on the floor in the atrium. Naturally, sheets are placed on the floor. It is refreshing to see the children participating. And when you look around, their artwork hangs on the windows and walls.
The hospital, which is a learning hospital for the University of Florida (go Gators!), organizes several activities for cancer patients. Every day there is something different. Cancer survivors will not be surprised to find that several of the activities are centered around food. Tours of the finer restaurants, along with significantly reduced dining prices, are de rigeur. These occur two to three times a week. Naturally, there are several support groups for both patients and family members. There is also a breakfast club.
So, overall, treatment, though necessary, somewhat cumbersome and possibly painful, is also (dare I say) fun. I find myself looking forward to radiation because there is always something going on in the waiting room, and the people - employees, patients, family members, friends - are happy to see you. And while I will be happy to be done with radiation next week, I will miss the time spent riding to and fro with DH and the time spent in the waiting room.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Kicking Some Booty
Well peeps, it's time to kick some booty. Looking back on the past month, I realize I do not like the person I am becoming. Yes, the meds are necessary, but I do not enjoy taking so much. And I especially do not enjoy the side effects, most especially the constant sleeping and lethargy. I decided that I needed to jump start an action plan. I started today.
After getting up and getting child #3 on the bus for school, I went walking. It was a short walk - 20 minutes, and it only covered about a 1/2 mile, but it was a walk nonetheless. And let me say, it was tough! I am so much slower than I used to be. And it seemed the road got longer and longer on the way home. My leg was so tired!
Got home, showered and moved my work laptop from the bedroom to the kitchen (we don't have a study per se). Turned on the iPod and started working. After about an hour, I did get really tired, so I napped for an hour and worked until DH got home to take me to radiation. Got home from that and worked while helping child #3 do his homework. And I was productive!
I didn't realize how motivating music is. In the workplace I listen to my iPod virtually the entire time. I chair dance and work, and I get a lot done. Today was the first time I listened to music while working - at home. It was great!
DH had a softball game tonight, so child #3 and I went with and it was fun! His team lost, but it was so nice for Gabe to play with other children his age and just to be out.
I did have to take some pain meds. The walk really worked my leg and I didn't realize it was such a workout until I could hardly bend it. So, yes, pain meds to the rescue. But the good thing was I only took them once today, and that was intentional. I have to wean myself off all the meds. But I know it will be a daily process.
So, now on to day #2! Gotta do the same tomorrow. That is what will be the hard part. Keeping it up. But I'm determined to do it. It is midnight and for the first time in weeks I'm sleepy - from activity and not drugs. So, nighty-night! : )
After getting up and getting child #3 on the bus for school, I went walking. It was a short walk - 20 minutes, and it only covered about a 1/2 mile, but it was a walk nonetheless. And let me say, it was tough! I am so much slower than I used to be. And it seemed the road got longer and longer on the way home. My leg was so tired!
Got home, showered and moved my work laptop from the bedroom to the kitchen (we don't have a study per se). Turned on the iPod and started working. After about an hour, I did get really tired, so I napped for an hour and worked until DH got home to take me to radiation. Got home from that and worked while helping child #3 do his homework. And I was productive!
I didn't realize how motivating music is. In the workplace I listen to my iPod virtually the entire time. I chair dance and work, and I get a lot done. Today was the first time I listened to music while working - at home. It was great!
DH had a softball game tonight, so child #3 and I went with and it was fun! His team lost, but it was so nice for Gabe to play with other children his age and just to be out.
I did have to take some pain meds. The walk really worked my leg and I didn't realize it was such a workout until I could hardly bend it. So, yes, pain meds to the rescue. But the good thing was I only took them once today, and that was intentional. I have to wean myself off all the meds. But I know it will be a daily process.
So, now on to day #2! Gotta do the same tomorrow. That is what will be the hard part. Keeping it up. But I'm determined to do it. It is midnight and for the first time in weeks I'm sleepy - from activity and not drugs. So, nighty-night! : )
Friday, October 7, 2011
A Much Better Day
Whew! Today was a much better day! I had two appointments; one with Dr. Berrey and the other for radiation.
My appointment with Dr. Berrey was successful. He was impressed with the leg's strength and range of motion. Naturally, I couldn't help but show off a little, which got a laugh. Then he challenged me about the flexibility after another two weeks of radiation. The PA, Ms. Wetmore, said "cooking" the leg every day for six weeks will do that to a piece of meat. Funny, in a perverse kind of way.
I have not yet received my appointment for the contrast MRI on the ankle, but Dr. Berrey and Ms. Wetmore decided it could be postponed. Why? Because it will be time for the first of my many three-month contrast MRI's in another four weeks. This is the next phase all cancer patients get to enjoy after initial treatment; periodic x-rays, CT scans, MRI's over the next several years to ensure cancer, any type of cancer, does not reoccur. This includes chest x-rays as this cancer simply loves spreading to the lungs. A very scary prospect for me given my family history.
Here's the tricky part, though. The three-month mark is November 3rd. The last of my radiation treatments is October 31st. Dr. Berrey said that as the radiation will have just been completed, and as the leg will have been cooked to well past well-done, an MRI right around then won't show anything of value. So, they will first meet with me, and then, depending on the condition of my knee, they will decide how long to wait until the MRI will be scheduled. Thus, my ankle won't be x-rayed via MRI for another month to six weeks - along with the knee. To be honest, that is fine by me. I appreciate that my team is considering how difficult the contrast (I.V.) is for me (rolling veins, deep veins, etc.). Besides, they are pretty sure the lump is not indicative of cancer. And, if it is, it's not been growing, so all should be ok for now. Before leaving, though, I was given strict instructions that should the lump change in any way, shape or form, to contact the office ASAP.
Afterwards, it was radiation time. It went well with one minor hitch. For whatever reason, my leg decided it really needed to twitch. It was so frustrating! I so wanted to flex the darned leg! But if I did, we would have to start all over again with the positioning. And flexing the leg wouldn't even ensure I wouldn't want to flex it again! So, I just wiggled my toes, praying the leg didn't move...much. Whew! All done, and that was it!
So, a short post today. The meds are kicking in and I will be soon be sleeping soundly. I want to thank the folks who have been sending postcards, letters and emails and those who have been calling. I really appreciate the encouragement, and I need it too. It really does help.
So, I am off to bed.
Nighty night!
My appointment with Dr. Berrey was successful. He was impressed with the leg's strength and range of motion. Naturally, I couldn't help but show off a little, which got a laugh. Then he challenged me about the flexibility after another two weeks of radiation. The PA, Ms. Wetmore, said "cooking" the leg every day for six weeks will do that to a piece of meat. Funny, in a perverse kind of way.
I have not yet received my appointment for the contrast MRI on the ankle, but Dr. Berrey and Ms. Wetmore decided it could be postponed. Why? Because it will be time for the first of my many three-month contrast MRI's in another four weeks. This is the next phase all cancer patients get to enjoy after initial treatment; periodic x-rays, CT scans, MRI's over the next several years to ensure cancer, any type of cancer, does not reoccur. This includes chest x-rays as this cancer simply loves spreading to the lungs. A very scary prospect for me given my family history.
Here's the tricky part, though. The three-month mark is November 3rd. The last of my radiation treatments is October 31st. Dr. Berrey said that as the radiation will have just been completed, and as the leg will have been cooked to well past well-done, an MRI right around then won't show anything of value. So, they will first meet with me, and then, depending on the condition of my knee, they will decide how long to wait until the MRI will be scheduled. Thus, my ankle won't be x-rayed via MRI for another month to six weeks - along with the knee. To be honest, that is fine by me. I appreciate that my team is considering how difficult the contrast (I.V.) is for me (rolling veins, deep veins, etc.). Besides, they are pretty sure the lump is not indicative of cancer. And, if it is, it's not been growing, so all should be ok for now. Before leaving, though, I was given strict instructions that should the lump change in any way, shape or form, to contact the office ASAP.
Afterwards, it was radiation time. It went well with one minor hitch. For whatever reason, my leg decided it really needed to twitch. It was so frustrating! I so wanted to flex the darned leg! But if I did, we would have to start all over again with the positioning. And flexing the leg wouldn't even ensure I wouldn't want to flex it again! So, I just wiggled my toes, praying the leg didn't move...much. Whew! All done, and that was it!
So, a short post today. The meds are kicking in and I will be soon be sleeping soundly. I want to thank the folks who have been sending postcards, letters and emails and those who have been calling. I really appreciate the encouragement, and I need it too. It really does help.
So, I am off to bed.
Nighty night!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Miss Pity Party
I am almost halfway through radiation, and the visible effects are starting to show. The area around my knee is pinking up, so I expect that in the next week to ten days I'll be getting that 'sunburn' effect. Every Friday I get a row of stickers, and every other day throughout the week I am refreshing the marks. It has become a habit. I check in, one of the techs comes through the door, I get in my robe, get on the table, they twist and turn me, and then it's 'here we go, Julia!' Got my weekly x-rays today, and I'll see Dr. Danny Friday.
I had a scare Monday. I was laying on the table after radiation, and when I went to sit up, the world suddenly slewed to the right. Vertigo. I had a bout of vertigo three years ago. It was very scary. I was in Dallas with my son, and I thought I was having a heart attack. Thankfully, a serendipitous series of events meant we were at my parents' house, and I was rushed to the hospital. It was a benign event in that there was a disturbance in my inner ear that caused the vertigo. Well, it happened again. But this time I knew what was going on. So, I went to the doctor today, and after a few tests, she agreed it was the same benign event. So, I am back on Meclizine. I now have even more reason to not drive. I can't! And I have to move slowly. And as if radiation didn't already tire me out, the Meclizine conks a person out even more.
It sucks though, and I feel like I'm having a pity party. In addition to my allergy, blood pressure and asthma meds, I'm on pain meds and now Meclizine. I feel like a pharmacy! Oh, and I'm lucky I'm awake eight hours out of the day now! Like today. Here is the last 24 hours:
And one more thing. I am really starting to feel like a burden. This week Rufus has only been able to work two full days. I had an additional appointment today, I have one tomorrow with Dr. Berrey, and I have another one Friday with Dr. Danny. They poor guy is on the road all the time now. And Gabe - he is asking more and more when I am going to get better. As for Chris, he is sick again - another cold - and he just wants to relax. But he's got to care for Gabe when Rufus and I are at my appointments. And Cassie? She's MIA. She may say she lives at our house, but she spends maybe 4-6 hours a day here; all of which are between 1AM and 7AM. So, she is no help at all. All of these combined lend themselves to my overall feeling of 'Miss Pity Party.' I want it to go away!
So, here are the pictures of my legs tonight. Is is just my imagination? Or is the right leg (the one with all the markings) actually a little pinker?
I had a scare Monday. I was laying on the table after radiation, and when I went to sit up, the world suddenly slewed to the right. Vertigo. I had a bout of vertigo three years ago. It was very scary. I was in Dallas with my son, and I thought I was having a heart attack. Thankfully, a serendipitous series of events meant we were at my parents' house, and I was rushed to the hospital. It was a benign event in that there was a disturbance in my inner ear that caused the vertigo. Well, it happened again. But this time I knew what was going on. So, I went to the doctor today, and after a few tests, she agreed it was the same benign event. So, I am back on Meclizine. I now have even more reason to not drive. I can't! And I have to move slowly. And as if radiation didn't already tire me out, the Meclizine conks a person out even more.
It sucks though, and I feel like I'm having a pity party. In addition to my allergy, blood pressure and asthma meds, I'm on pain meds and now Meclizine. I feel like a pharmacy! Oh, and I'm lucky I'm awake eight hours out of the day now! Like today. Here is the last 24 hours:
- Asleep at 9:00 PM
- Wake up at 1:00 AM. Awake for 30 minutes.
- Back to sleep at 1:30. Up at 7:00 AM.
- Get Gabe up, fed and on the bus
- Work for 1.5 hours
- Back to sleep at 9:00 AM.
- Up at 11:00 AM.
- Go to doctor
- Pick up Rx's
- Work for 2 more hours
- Go to radiation
- Asleep at 6:00 PM
- Awake at 8:00 PM
- Get Chris to drive so I can get milk
- Put Gabe to bed
- Asleep at 9:00 PM
- Awake at 11:00 PM
- Why? I don't know! My mind is full of all I need to do, all I didn't do, and all I want to do.
And one more thing. I am really starting to feel like a burden. This week Rufus has only been able to work two full days. I had an additional appointment today, I have one tomorrow with Dr. Berrey, and I have another one Friday with Dr. Danny. They poor guy is on the road all the time now. And Gabe - he is asking more and more when I am going to get better. As for Chris, he is sick again - another cold - and he just wants to relax. But he's got to care for Gabe when Rufus and I are at my appointments. And Cassie? She's MIA. She may say she lives at our house, but she spends maybe 4-6 hours a day here; all of which are between 1AM and 7AM. So, she is no help at all. All of these combined lend themselves to my overall feeling of 'Miss Pity Party.' I want it to go away!
So, here are the pictures of my legs tonight. Is is just my imagination? Or is the right leg (the one with all the markings) actually a little pinker?
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Fatigue Anyone?
The generally accepted 'medicines' to treat and resolve cancer are chemotherapy and radiation. Of the two, more is published about the side effects of chemotherapy; nausea, hair loss, fatigue, etc. What is not publicized as much are the side effects of radiation; primarily 'sun'burn, pain in the radiation area, and (surprisingly) fatigue.
Now I understand the sunburn effect; the cumulative effect of repeated dosages of radiation. Basically, lots of heat directed to the same general location five days a week for a period of a month or more. This leads to redness of the skin, pealing, etc. The issue is that you can't put just any old lotion on the skin in case the lotion or whatnot negatively affects the effectiveness of radiation. So you are at the mercy of the doctors to tell you what you can and cannot use and when.
And I understand, for the most part, the pain experienced by most radiation patients. Radiation therapy is applied over a finite, defined area as opposed to the molecular level. So, radiation can, and does, affect the nerves running through the radiated area. That and the sunburns, along with skin pealing, the buildup of scar tissue (and the need to flex and keep the scar tissue broken down), contribute to the pain experienced in the radiated area. With mild to moderate pain, Aleve should do the trick.
But it's the fatigue I was not prepared for. In all my reading, I don't recall any passable mention of fatigue. Fatigue is entirely understandable when undergoing chemotherapy, so why does a person experience fatigue when undergoing radiation? Simple, or so I am told. This is due to inflammation in the radiated area, to which the body reacts by working extra hard to reduce said inflammation. As with any localized fever, our bodies draw on our reserves to battle the war going on inside.
Sounds simple doesn't it. But what is so amazing is that after only eight radiation treatments, where the total radiation time is roughly one minute per treatment, I am totally wiped out ten minutes after treatment. I almost fell asleep today, going home from radiation.And once I got home, all I wanted to do was sleep - for three hours! I talked to a couple folks, and this is to be expected. And even more fun, it will get worse before it gets better. Lovely...not.
So, here I am at 1:36 AM, fighting sleep, writing this post. Why? Because I want to communicate this sad state of affairs. I sleep about 12 - 14 hours a day now, when I thought I would be getting back to normal (after surgery). My eyelids are drooping, and I can hardly hit the keys (including spell-check). I keep dozing off, jerk awake and check the screen to be sure I didn't fat-finger a bunch of gobbledy gook. But I am afraid that if I don't share this, I will forget just what it is like and will minimize this par of my cancer treatment.
So now that I've gotten this off my chest, I am headed for my bed. And with any luck, I will be able to get up by 10:00 or 11:00 tomorrow. I would so love do something without swooning towards the bed after 2-3 hours.
Now I understand the sunburn effect; the cumulative effect of repeated dosages of radiation. Basically, lots of heat directed to the same general location five days a week for a period of a month or more. This leads to redness of the skin, pealing, etc. The issue is that you can't put just any old lotion on the skin in case the lotion or whatnot negatively affects the effectiveness of radiation. So you are at the mercy of the doctors to tell you what you can and cannot use and when.
And I understand, for the most part, the pain experienced by most radiation patients. Radiation therapy is applied over a finite, defined area as opposed to the molecular level. So, radiation can, and does, affect the nerves running through the radiated area. That and the sunburns, along with skin pealing, the buildup of scar tissue (and the need to flex and keep the scar tissue broken down), contribute to the pain experienced in the radiated area. With mild to moderate pain, Aleve should do the trick.
But it's the fatigue I was not prepared for. In all my reading, I don't recall any passable mention of fatigue. Fatigue is entirely understandable when undergoing chemotherapy, so why does a person experience fatigue when undergoing radiation? Simple, or so I am told. This is due to inflammation in the radiated area, to which the body reacts by working extra hard to reduce said inflammation. As with any localized fever, our bodies draw on our reserves to battle the war going on inside.
Sounds simple doesn't it. But what is so amazing is that after only eight radiation treatments, where the total radiation time is roughly one minute per treatment, I am totally wiped out ten minutes after treatment. I almost fell asleep today, going home from radiation.And once I got home, all I wanted to do was sleep - for three hours! I talked to a couple folks, and this is to be expected. And even more fun, it will get worse before it gets better. Lovely...not.
So, here I am at 1:36 AM, fighting sleep, writing this post. Why? Because I want to communicate this sad state of affairs. I sleep about 12 - 14 hours a day now, when I thought I would be getting back to normal (after surgery). My eyelids are drooping, and I can hardly hit the keys (including spell-check). I keep dozing off, jerk awake and check the screen to be sure I didn't fat-finger a bunch of gobbledy gook. But I am afraid that if I don't share this, I will forget just what it is like and will minimize this par of my cancer treatment.
So now that I've gotten this off my chest, I am headed for my bed. And with any luck, I will be able to get up by 10:00 or 11:00 tomorrow. I would so love do something without swooning towards the bed after 2-3 hours.
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