Sunday Night, T minus 3

It's late. I just took my sleeping pill. I'm needing them to get to sleep lately, though I won't take one Tuesday night. Went to mass today. The first time in a while. I'm fairly non-denominational though I grew up in a predominantly Southern Baptist home. My dad is Catholic as is my husband, so I converted to Catholicism. But really, I follow the a mix of both. Anyway, I needed to go to church. It is a place of solace and comfort in times of stress and upheaval. And once again, it helps. I have felt at peace since.

Gabriel, my 7 year old came with, though much of it was above his head. He's Autistic with the intelligence of a much older child but the emotional age of about a 4 1/2 year old. He did well, as well as could be expected of a child his age. Afterwards we went to Toys R Us to splurge on Legos. It's my way of getting him ready for the forced absence of mom for a week. We are rarely apart, and most nights I go to bed alone (husband sleeps in another room - I snore very loudly) and wake up with Gabriel in my bed. Of the two of us, I think I'll be more traumatized not spending time with him on a daily basis. I bought little Lego gifts to give to him on his daily visits while I'm in hospital.

My panick of cancer, etc. has subsided for the most part. And I thank prayer and church for that. What I'm focusing on now is getting the mass out of my leg while keeping the leg intact. Oh, that and making sure my Short Term Disability is up and and in force before I leave.

Mom and Dad are driving down from Texas to "get into a cooler climate" and help out in the house and with my care. Since we won't really know the prognosis until I come out of surgery, we don't know what the next steps will be. Worst case scenarios are lose the leg, cancer and go through radiation and possibly chemotherapy. Ok. I can live with all that. As long as I'm with my family.

We may end up losing the house. Good riddance I say. As long as we're together. We survived the loss of a child 9 years ago, we can survive this. Now if only I could get this mass out TODAY!!!

P.S. Meeting with the boss-man tomorrow. I hate giving my work to someone else. I've been doing such a good job on it! Now I'll have to clean up someone else's mess!